Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Tinder Games –Date #6

Date #6
 
The Skinny
Name
Richard Gere (celebrity aliases subbed in for all; any similarity to an actual celebrity is unintentional and accidental –thanks!)
Date Spot
Teddy & the Bully Bar
Time
Happy Hour
Day of the Week
Friday, 15 July 2016
The Weather
93° (and pretty damn gross –pardon my language, but this weather SUCKS)
 
The 1st Impression
Age
29 (probably, but it’s hard to tell when they’re so overweight, ‘cuz the skin gets stretched Taut… you know?)
Height
Middling (but he would look taller if he was, you know, Tight)
Weight
Boule de Suif (I’m fit. So they should be too. I am a broken record //sigh//)
Sartorial
T-shirt & shorts, w/ a flannel, LS (rolled up to the elbows); (he used the gross weather as his excuse for changing out of his workday suit, but I find this UNACCEPTABLE. Despite the Melting Heat, I still pulled it together –if us girls have to STYLE IT UP No Matter the Weather, then guys should have to too!)
DC, MD or VA?
DC
Donkey or Elephant?
Uncertain (likely liberal, but he was way too into my feet to not be a Republican, right?)
 
The Pay Grades –Over, Under, or Even
Age
Below my pay grade (not too young, but –yeah, too young)
Height
Below (If he was fit, the disparity wouldn’t be so bad –just saying)
Weight
Below (you live in DuPont surrounded by gyms –find one!)
Looks –Don’t Lie; They matter
Below (cute –but hard to tell if that’s youth, the skin being looking fresh due to being stretched TAUT beneath a beard and moustache, or DNA)
Place in Life a.k.a. Level of Adulthood
Even or Below my pay grade (but uncertain and too uncomfortable over the foot fetish to find out!)
 
The Q&A
Did the presented human match the photos?
More or less (If you squint and pretend it’s 5 or so years ago, when he was still fit –you know, Tight)
Who picked the date location?
He did
How was the conversation?
Totally fun!
Who picked up the check?
He did (so, is he a Republican or a Democrat????)
Was there a kiss?
Yes (and awkward as F)
Will there be a 2nd date?
Mayhaps (but I’ve ghosted on him, so…)
If yes to a 2nd date, is sex on the table?
Most likely not Ever, no, sir, thank you! (lol)
How did things end, i.e. will you be Friends, Foes, or FWB?
Friends (but we’re gonna be Foes –because the whole feet fetish thing…)
 
 
TL:DR
 
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
 
I’m pretty confident this guy is a Democrat. But, I’m also pretty confident this guy is a foot fetishist –and homey (that would be me) does Not play That.
 
Initially, I was horrified by his lack of alignment with his profile photos –which were clearly out of date / taken from incredibly slimming angles. Dude is overweight –and that crushes me every time, not only because it’s not pretty to look at, but because I continue to find it Completely Unfair that guys get to be fat and still be considered date material, but Not Girls Who Are Fat / Not Young / Not White / Not Blonde / Etc.
 
As with all the other 1st dates, I did what every disappointed girl has to do on this planet:
 
We just smile and pretend we’re going to have a good time with a guy who wouldn’t get a 1st glance from us at a bar, much less a 2nd glance –but thanks to online dating, can trick girls with old and/or grainy photos showing these poorly aging guys at their prime best (sigh).
 
And, yes, once one moves past the disappointing looks –the guys have been mostly okay. Good conversation, sometimes funny, sometimes awkward, mostly okay –helped immensely by my rules of 1st dates, which is of course to play a mouthless Hello Kitty whose only audible sound is the occasional giggle (I exaggerate, of course, but you know what I mean –I’m a good 1st date because I’m immensely agreeable and keep all my opinions to myself).
 
This guy was okay and might actually have been 29, but his heft and his beard made it difficult to tell just how honest he was being. Throw in the fact his photos had to be older based on how fit he looked in them… I was still willing to look past all that, because the company was solid –but the feet thing (shudder).
 
To each their fetish –sure. But, we didn’t meet on FootFetishes.com or whatever. We met via Tinder and on his profile there was no indication whatsoever he would ask repeatedly to give me foot rubs, which made every time he complimented my feet… well… extra weird.
 
I’m just not that into it.
 
And, I don’t appreciate that women can’t be honest for fear of being sliced and diced for easier dumping in the Anacostia –if women could be honest with guys about the bullshit guys sling at them, we might actually get less bullshit slung at us. But this kind of puppy training just isn’t worth our lives –like, I’m not willing to die to be honest with a total stranger who might kill me in response.
 
So, I didn’t say anything. I just ghosted on him, even though I had strongly implied a 2nd date was in the offing. Hey! At the time, I didn’t know about his thing with the feet –I learned that later, via text, as he kept insisting he’d like to give me a foot massage… and how much he liked my feet… no matter how many times I changed the subject / didn’t respond at all to the topic of feet.
 
Like, dude. Stop.

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